Quote

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Littles
Door
Little
Watching
Children
Doors
Like
Baby
Coming
Bernard
Funny
Wet
Born
Cat
Kids
Dog

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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
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We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
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I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.
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You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
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You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
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You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
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You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
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